~ A Test or A Sign ~

Hi & Assalamualaikum..

People think that i'm happy .

clap to myself that i'm really a good actress..

no one will understand me..

no one knows how i feel..

i don't know whether this is somekind of 'test' in our relationship..

or if this is a 'sign' that i should give up.. 

all this while, i thought everything is okay..

or at least, everything will be okay..everything will be alright..

but the more i try to hold on, the more i can't accept this..

the more i can't accept anything..

it's like his behavior just irritate me more..

he never understand me..

he always test my patience..

it's like, there's nothing in common between us anymore..

seorang ke hulu, seorang ke hilir..

masing-masing asyik bertelagah & berselisih pendapat.. 

it's like almost everyday we fought..

this is not normal...

tapi...

apa yang paling menyedihkan hati ni, ialah dgn kejadian tadi..

it was ok at first.. we plan to hang out at some place doing works after eating..

 but after lepas makan tu, he wake up to go to the sink.. 

i followed him 1 minute later..

he noticed that i left the table..

he looked & said air dia tak habis minum lagi..1/4 glass belum habis..

i thought he already finished.. that's why i left the table & went to the sink too to wash my hand..

unfortunately, nothing we can do..

that bangla already clean the table..

so, he move to the sink with such an annoying face..

i noticed he started to act cold..

geleng-geleng kepala dgn raut muka x puas hati..

I know it's my fault, 

but is it necessary for him to act like that just because of "the water he hasn't finished"?

 It just teh o ais je pun..and only 1/4 glass left..

it's not that i lost a jewelry, precious thing, or hp.. or i kill somebody..

why his act is so annoying??

makin lama bersabar, makin parah jadinya..

all plan cancelled, & we just go back to hostel..

you see, how can that small matter become big issue??

how serious the problem??

i feel like macam x boleh diterima akal langsung semua benda ni..

hanya kerana teh o ais, i've been hurt..

is that teh o ais is much more important than me??

i'm blank...hurt.. frustrated..sad..

sometimes it feels like, the more i try to make this relationship works, the more it turn out so bad..

i don't know what to do anymore..

Allah SWT, please help me..

p/s: if being in relationship makes me more sad & unhappy, i'd rather be alone.. :'(

~It is better this way..~

 Hi & Assalamualaikum..

Forgetting someone who once close to you, it's never been easy.. 

you'll remember that person for the rest of your life.. 

in 5 years, 10 years in the future, as you are growing old, 

you'll see them one day & you'll never knew how you will feel at that time.. 

it's scary you know.. trust me.. 

Dear 'You',

You have voice out your thought.. you have decided.. 

It's hurt, but i know life must goes on.. 

i hope that i'm strong enough to face you one day..

i hope there'll never be the chance to be like we used to be..

coz i don't want to be hurt again..

i think i have enough already..

it's been years, but i'll never learn the lesson..

this time, i got it..

i'll move on..

& I'll never be the same, if we  ever meet again...

The pain & scars you give to me, it's really painful..

i guess i'll remember it for the rest of my life..

cause you are just a beautiful liar..

playing with my mind and my heart..

right from the start, you were a thief, you stole my heart..

& i'm your willing victim..

avoiding you, forgetting you...

and i think it is better to be this way...

~Keek~

Hi & Assalamualaikum

tengah cuba meng 'happy' kan diri dengan mencari hobi baru.. pagi tadi duk godek-godek FB terjumpa la 1 Keek hamba Allah SWT ni.. tetiba kannn.. titew teringin / terilham nak wat keek jugakkk.. gitewwww..kehkeh..makanya, terus je pegi sign up keek..tehehehee..pastu kan, punya la semangat record video dari pagi (guna laptop, sbb xde smartphone), nak upload dekat keek x dapat- dapat sampai la ni.. tensen makk..hahaha

makanya, titew upload kat blog dulu boleh? blog jarang orang tgk.. tak la malu sgt khennnn..kehkeh :P

jom layan budak yg memang xde keje ni..padahal jurnal lama x baca, result experiment last week tak update lg..hewhewhew...aaahhhhh..gasakkkkk.. janji diriku ini happy...    :')

p/s: i sing this song as it is my favourite..& it has too much meaning in my life..  :')

sedap ke x, ko layan kan aje..kahkahkah :P
ooppss.. baru perasan video ke 2 over limit.. kat keek limit dia 0:36 saat je..kahkahkah..padan la xleh upload..aptb

~Stay~

Hi & Assalamualaikum..

me & song, can never be separated.. songs do convey how i feel.. & hey, i love this song.. will become my favourite soon.. :)

~Doaku hari-hari.. Show me the way Ya Allah SWT~

Tuhanku,
Seandainya telah kau catat dia milikku,tercipta buatku dekatkanlah dia padaku.. Satukanlah hatinya dengan hatiku,titiplanlah kemesraan antara kami,agar kebahagiaan ini abadi..
Tuhanku Yang Maha Pengasih,seiringkanlah kami dalam melayari hidup ke tepian yang sejahtera..
Tuhanku,
Seandainya telah di takdirkan,dia bukan miliku,
Bawalah dia jauh dari pandanganku,luput dari ingatanku,
Dan peliharalah daku dari kekecewaan..
Ya Tuhanku Yang Maha Mengerti,berilah diriku kekuatan melontar bayangnya ke dada langit..
Hilang bersama senja merah dan gelap pekat malam agar aku rasa bahagia walaupun tanpa dirinya..
Tuhanku Yang Maha Pemurah,gantikanlah yang telah hilang,tumbuhkanlah kembali yang telah patah,meskipun tidak sama dengan dirinya..
Seandainya dia datang menemuiku,cinta itu adalah sejati dan murni.
Seandainya dia pergi dan tidak kembali,anggaplah cinta itu tidak wujud sejak dari awal lagi..

~Ular~

 Hi & Assalamualaikum...

Semalam mimpi ngeri.. mimpi diserang 3 ekor ular...

ular pertama tu warna hitam kuning... yg paling berbisa tu..dalam mimpi tu, ular tu liar & ganas.. dia patuk kepala belah kiri saya.. terasa macam real ok.. dengan rasa bisa ular tu menular ke seluruh badan sekali.. masa tu punya la kuat semangat & geram, ntah dari mana keberanian saya dtg, saya pegang ular tu, saya tarik sekuat hati badan dia, sampai putus dua.. giler kentang berani kannnn... huhu..so, lepas ular tu mati, saya dlm keadaan lemah & pening cuba cari bantuan.. bgtau along..cuba call ambulans sendiri.. tekan 999 ok..hahhaha

tetiba dalam keadaan lemah tu, datang pulak ular kedua.. warna putih hijau kot.. i can't remember..  tapi just tekan & penyet dengan kaki sampai ular tu pengsan.. pastu adik laki letak mana ntah, pastu ilang.. agaknya ular tu baru tersedar dari pengsan kot..hahahahaa

ular ketiga ular lidi..halus & laju gerakan dia..tapi ular ni macam acah je.. bila dekat, dia lari balik..huhu

walau apa pun, serius saya jadi fobia dgn luar..it's so scary ok..even hanya mimpi tapi rasa nyawa di hujung tanduk, rasa takut sangat..yela... rasa x ready lagi nak mati.. banyak dosa & x sempat bertaubat lagi.. masa tu ingat Allah SWT je.. :(

orang kata kalau mimpi kena patuk ular, org nak masuk meminang, kawen & etc.. tu org org tua cakap la.. tapi kalau org agama, dorang cakap kalau mimpi binatang berbisa ni berkait dgn sihir.. Nauzubillahiminzalik..  semoga saya dijauhkan daripada perkara-perkara tu.. takut... hmmmmmm

~ April Life~

Hi & Assalamualaikum..

Kalau perasan, bulan ni paling jarang update pasal my current life.. *yeke?? :P*.. ihiks.. i'm so busy you alls.. rasa sekejap sgt masa berlalu.. sedar x sedar, esok dah half of April.. huwarggghhh!! *panik state tetiba..haha*.. risau pasal study.. risau psl life sendiri.. i olls masih tunggang terbalik ni menjalani hari-hari yg penuh cabaran.. gitewww..

About study, half of the month, mcm xde progress sgt.. hari tu busy betulkan proposal baru semua.. InsyaAllah, this tuesday will go to KA (my sampling site) again.. bawak balik leachate sample & hey, maybe dah boleh start for the first objective, which are the charactristics & suitable dosage of lime/caustic soda for ammonia removal.. hopefully this April-Mei, will accomplished first objectives.. Jun-Julai interprete result.. August-Sept writing paper/journals.. Semoga urusan dipermudahkan.. hajatnya sepanjang bulan puasa & raya nak duk umah je..bahahaha.. Amin.. :)

 Pasal current personal life,  nothing interesting too.. rutin harian, dari pagi kul 9am to 4 or 5pm akan berada di lab.. biasanya awal pagi or petang after 5pm akan meletihkan diri dgn jogging @ tennis with love.. *gitewww.. xyah ingat kami ni sweet sgt.. ada pengikut setia Naim Abdullah..haha..main tenis 3 org, gilir-gilir..sape penat bleh rest..org lain continue main.. rasanya skill kami bertiga dalam bidang tennis telah diasah dgn baik.. getting better everyday.. xdak la duk pukul sekali & then terus kutip bola je kann.. hehe* 

Last week start asing2 proposal ikut chapter da.. bila da menaip thesis ni, rasa x sabarnya nak grad...bahahaha.. padahal project non hado result & lab work lagi..kihkih.. xpe, semangat itu yg penting.. :D

Pasal hati & perasaan, sedang renovate myself.. hmmmm.. yg ni rahsia..heee.. past is past.. life must go on.. i think i have to make peace with my past so that i can continue & go on with my new life.. after what happened this 2 weeks, rasanya hati da tetap & mungkin ni takdir yg terbaik.. for me, senang je.. if something is meant for you, no matter how far, how long time it would takes, it will get a way back to you.. now, just go with the flow.. & there's no turning back anymore.. & if Allah SWT ease my way, i think it's really meant for me.. :)

This weekend, i'm busy with shopping..teheheee.. mama datang KL for her Pandu Puteri event.. going out with Mr. Fiancee & me.. pickup mama at airport, staying at hotel for a night, went to Ikea with mama (tercapai hajat nak bawak mama jalan2 ikea.. she's in love with the food & bantal lembut..haha.. duk borong bantal & selimut.. tapi mama letih so xley jalan byk2..hehe).. after that, hantar mama pegi kat abah kat De Palma Ampang (abah dtg meeting) & transfer barang2 kirim bawak balik Terengganu for Along's event soon..hehe.. me yg super duper terlebih excited sbb nanti nak buat candy buffet cantik2 & boleh promote kat customer.. yeay!! hopefully after the event, rezeki akan bertambah masyuk.. Amin.. *orang nak kawen, harus berusaha gigih mengumpul duit..ihiks*

And today, after pickup choc fondue from my friend, me & fiancee kinda blurr nak buat apa today.. decide nak pegi Mid Valley.. da gerak sampai KL tapi disebabkan GPS x boleh guna, batang hidung Mid Valley mmg x nampak..hahaha..so, patah balik serdang, pegi makan KFC kat Petronas 24 hours..hehe.. kelakar sangat..lepas makan try buka GPS mmg x boleh.. so cadang kat fiancee, kalau x pegi Mid Valley, jom pegi GM Plaza Klang sbb da lama teringin nak pegi sana.. orang cakap barang kahwin murah2..this is the perfect time to survey everything.. *hajatnya nak survey jela..kahkahkah..* so excited la pegi bukak google map by online.. mujur ada hp canggih fiancee.. haha.. rupanya senang sgt nak pegi GM Plaza Klang.. naik highway, straight je ikut signboard ke Klang.. lepas ni boleh pegi dengan kawan-kawan pula..haha

Apa yang saya boleh komen pasal GM Plaza ialah BEST!! it's a heaven for a big spender like me.. *jangan korang salah paham pulak..haha*.. i mean, semua barang kalau borong, semua murah gila ok..i olls pulak jenis yg pemboros.. berkenan je, terus angkut.. gigih tau kitorang explore 4 tingkat kat GM Plaza Klang tu..hahaha.. atas sekali banyak barang pengantin..mmg murah.. baru je sabtu lepas beli dulang hantaran kerawang silver RM 24.90 kat satu kilang area Balakong, tanya amoi yg kat GM Plaza tadi RM15 je each.. menyampah i olls.. dah banyak rugi di situ...hmmm.. bunga telur design pon cantek2.. me minat yang gantung2 tu.. ihiks.. tapak gantung RM22 je each.. kalau beli 2, x smpai RM50.. murah OK.. murah dari Nilai lagi..  Bunga telur pon yg cantek giler RM3/pcs.. affordable.. tgk macam2 warna, sudahnya saya buta warna.. warna tema wedding tak decide lagi ni..haha.. plg penting tarikh wedding pun xdak lagi.. well, i olls kan suka buat keje last minute..hihi.. bertunang aritu pon a month before baru plan.. yg kawen x tau la..haha.. besides, kat sini macam macam ada.. handphone ada.. barang rumah ada.. paling banyak baju kanak2 & mainan..accessories.. tadi banyak jugak tgk gaun kanak-kanak & tuxedo kanak-kanak..ada yang harga RM50++.. RM80++.. yg penting less than RM100 & cantik2 ok.. dah berangan dgn fiancee utk majlis kitorg bagi my cousin & anak-anak sedara dia pakai..kahkahkah..dah berangan tu yg plg xley blah.. :P

brooch bunga yg 1 biji RM5 tu pun dalam RM1-2.. Baju t shirt lelaki yg kain best RM25 for 6 pcs (original price RM50).. baju pompuan tak payah cakap la.. RM100 -3 helai ada.. jubah + dress cantik2 RM50 pun ada.. peplum macam2 paten harga RM 29-37 sehelai, beli borong lagi murah pon ada.. rambang mata.. design baju mmg latest & up to date.. tudung lagi laa..bawal chiffon 2 layer sgt cantik tapi sbb xde yg match baju, maka x beli..haha.. Actually, tak expect pon GM Plaza ada semua ni..i thought jual barang pengantin je..kehkeh.. maka bukan barang pengantin yg i olls beli, tapi barang peribadi which are skirt, peplum, dress, seluar, cardigan, halfmoon shawl, baju fiancee, & etc.. melayang lagi fulus.. $$$$$.. menanges tgk angka dalam bank..haha T_T

p/s: dah berhajat nak bawak family, mama, abah, along, adik, pak sdare, mak sdare, toki, tok & seumpamanya datang sini..hehe.. shopping sini better than Nilai & Chow Kit.. kepada bakal pengantin, sila kunjungi GM Plaza.. recommended.. tapi anda kena pandai survey & buat pilihan..certain item macam doorgift ada yg kat internet lagi murah.. so jadilah pembeli yang bijak.. :)