~ A brand new day~

Hi & Assalamualaikum...

lama x tempek muka tuan blog..haha

Hello 1 February 2014.. how fast time flies.. anyway, it's a brand new day, new month.. and of course a brand new me.. i'll keep on moving..i'll keep on changing.. to be better than before.. to be more successful, beautiful, and gorgeous than before.. in terms of life and heart.. hehe..to be able to share with those who are in need..to make others happy without expecting in return..to love with whole heart without being afraid to be hurt..to give and to forget..  ;)

Di mata Allah SWT lagi penting berbanding di mata manusia.. lesson learned.. :)

happy saturday.. let's hear this..a song that can brightened your day.. ;)

~Guilty? No.. :)~

Hi & Assalamualaikum..

hoi hoi..lama x update blog.. i've been busy lately with my own life.. my study.. my wedding preparation.. and guess what?? i'm enjoying my life till the fullest right now.. absolutely, with the right people..  and slowly i began to understand why Allah SWT remove some people in my life.. i feel blessed... (^_^)

True indeed.. i'm removing those who are not worth keeping.. :D

till next time we meet again.. when i've time & courage to write..bahahaha.. :P

see ya.. ;)

~Wordless Wednesday~

Hi & Assalamualaikum.. 

Everything that happened in our life is planned by Allah SWT..Have faith that He will give the best for us.. The happiness.. the pain and hurt that we need to go through..  There's a reason behind everything.. Eventhough i can't find the answer yet, i do believe, 1 fine day, i'll understand why every single things that happened in my life.. have faith Hani.. have faith.. :) 

~Kasut~

Hi & Assalamualaikum..

Kalau rasa itu boleh dipindah-pindah, mahu saja aku bagi kamu merasakannya.. supaya kamu mengerti.. bagaimana perasaannya menjadi aku.. 

p/s: God puts people in your life for a reason, and removes them from your life for a better reason..

~2014~

Hi & Assalamualaikum...

Entry pertama untuk tahun 2014..hehe.. yes.. a year older..lepas ni sesiapa tanya pasal umur, da kena jawab 25.. ehemm.. 25 tahun muda lagi kot? haha :P

Azam tahun ni? hmmm.. entahlah.. as listed below:

1. Nak jadi hamba Allah SWT yang baik.. semoga Allah SWT mengampuni dosa-dosa zaman khilafku.. kalau nak cerita, banyak tak terkira.. Astaghfirullahalazim.. terima kasih Allah SWT kerana masih menghidupkan diri ini.. beri kesempatan kepada diri ini utk bertaubat.. & tidak leka dengan keseronokan dunia.. :'(

2. Nak jadi anak yang baik kepada mama & abah.. mereka dah banyak berkorban membesarkan diri ini dari kecil hingga dewasa.. diri ini masih belajar & belum lagi dpt menyenangkan orang tua.. semoga diri ini dipanjangkan umur & dimurahkan rezeki untuk membalas jasa-jasa mereka.. amin..sayang mama abah sangat2.. :')

3. Nak cepat habiskan PhD.. nak siapkan labwork tahun ini.. insyaAllah by 2015 dah boleh start writing & viva.. by September 2015 target nak graduate.. nak attend banyak conference & buat more journal paper.. at least 3 for graduating PhD..Semoga Allah SWT permudahkan urusa pembelajaran ni.. demi mama abah.. & demi bakal suami juga.. insyaAllah naik stage konvo 2015 ada baby dalam perut.. sweet dok??hahaha.. manusia hanya mampu merancang.. Tapi perancangan tuhan tu kan lebih indah.. Kalau rezeki baby dalam belajar juga diterima.. tapi memandangkan labwork agak berisiko, InsyaAllah nak merancang dulu.. honeymoon 2 tahun..heeee... :D

4. Nak hidup bahagia.. ya.. semoga diri ini berjumpa dengan bahagia yang dicari-cari selama ini.. kepada bakal suami, jodoh yang telah Allah SWT tetapkan, semoga kita bahagia Lillahitaala..terima kasih kerana sudi menerima diri ini seadanya.. yang serba kekurangan.. yang tiada apa-apa keistimewaan.. ketahuilah utk sesuatu hubungan itu berjaya, cinta dan kasih sayang sahaja tidak mencukupi..paras rupa juga bukan ukuran.. hensem bergaya tidak menjaminkan syurga.. kaya & cerdik tidak jua menjamin kebahagiaan.. tanggungjawab, amanah kena jaga.. harus ada komitmen & saling bekerjasama..bertolak ansur, jujur dan setia.. ya.. SETIA.. cabaran masa kini memang sukar mencari lelaki yang setia.. tiada wanita lain dihatinya.. sesungguhnya diri ini beruntung bakal memiliki kamu.. diri ini sgt bersyukur kerana tidak perlu memikirkan kisah lalumu.. siapa yang pernah hadir di dalam hidupmu..siapa yang berada di fikiran kamu.. diri ini tidak perlu menanggung sakit di kemudian hari.. kerana hanya ada diri ini dihatimu sejak dulu..syukur.. semoga nanti kita susah senang bersama..ketawa bersama..menangis bersama.. jadi sahabat paling akrab dunia & akhirat.. redha Allah SWT yang kita perlu cari.. semoga ikatan yang bakal dibina hingga ke Jannah.. Semoga persiapan untuk hari bahagia kita berjalan lancar.. Amin.. 

5. Nak jadi insan yang baik kepada semua makhluk Allah SWT.. menjadi sahabat yang baik kpd mereka yang sy sayang.. teringin nak melancong bersama BFF.. semoga BFF saya dimurahkan rezeki, bahagia & dipermudahkan urusan walau dimana jua mereka berada.. amin.. :)

6. Nak melancong ke banyak tempat bersama suami & family.. yes.. i love travelling.. one of my dream is to travel to many places with my loved ones..oh ye.. kalau murah rezeki nak pergi rumah Allah SWT juga.. Amin.. :)

7. Seperti biasa seperti tahun-tahun sebelumnya, azam tiap kali tahun baru nak kurus..hahahahah.. tengah tahun lepas da berjaya kurus.. akhir tahun gemuk balik.. so tiap kali tahun baru azam tak menjadi...hahaha..hopefully sebelum menjelang majlis akad nikah & resepsi nanti sempat kurus.. nak slim pakai dress.. :D

8. Nak hidup cara sihat.. makan dengan sihat..exercise.. tapi kalau mmg jenis suka western food & buat desserts, cam mana tu? hehe

9. Nak sembuh dari sakit.. dah sebulan lebih.. risau pulak masuk ubat macam macam nanti effect buah pinggang.. nanti kita balik Ganu kita pergi buat rawatan alternatif pula ye.. :)

tu jelah kot.. nanti tambah lagi dalam list..hehe.. kbai.. (^_^)

this is me.. 

p/s: Allah SWT dah janji.. setiap duka pasti ada bahagia menanti.. and with every no, there's another opportunity.. how we live our life, it will reflects us back.. hidup ini karma.. what we do to other people, it will come back to us.. and take note that every experience Allah SWT gives us, every person He puts in our lives is the perfect preparation for the future that only He can see.. so just smile darling.. keep on moving forward & have an awesome life ahead.. :)

~2014 is comin'.. Bye Bye 2013~

Hi & Assalamualaikum..

it's already 31.12.13 today.. it's the end of the year.. esok dah new year 2014.. MasyaAllah, cepatnya masa berlalu.. tik tok tik tok.. a year had passed by.. going down the memory lane of 2013, it makes me realized how much time, money, thoughts that i've wasted for something useless.. Allahuakbar

to be true, 2013 wasn't a good year for me.. a year ago, after i got engaged, in December that everything started.. everything that had changed me to who i am now.. everything that had changed my life as a whole.. everything that had changed my perspective towards life.. someone take me for granted.. someone cheated & lie to me about himself.. didn't tell me the truth.. someone who are selfish & don't care about others feeling..make a fool with people's feeling.. i thought i know him.. but i realized at the end, i didn't know him at all.. he just somebody that i used to know 5 years ago.. and it's true that people changed.. yes, he's changed & i think i didn't know this person at all.. because the person that i knew before was better than now.. yes, sometimes life is unexpected.. it fulls of hurt and frustration.. somebody that really close to you can be somebody that wouldn't care about you anymore in the future.. someone that close to you now won't always be there in the future.. and maybe you are just useless to them after they take you for granted.. 

I learned that there was no such a 'bestfriend' relationship between a girl and a boy.. besides, a bestfriend won't take his/her bestfriend for granted.. a bestfriend will never ruined his/her bestfriend happiness.. a bestfriend will never ruined his/her bestfriend life.. a bestfriend won't play with his/her bestfriend feelings.. a bestfriend won't twist with his/her bestfriend emotions.. a bestfriend is someone who makes his/her bestfriend happy, not making his/her sad.. a bestfriend won't hurt his/her bestfriend's feelings.. and most of all, a bestfriend won't create bullshit & lies toward his/her bestfriend.. if they are listed above, they were never your bestfriend.. they just someone who took you for granted, a selfish person who want to be happy on their own, neglecting what they do with other people.. he/she is never a good person.. 

i learn a lot from this pain.. the pain that i don't know when will it heal..a few months past by but it felt like just happened yesterday.. being betrayed, lied & fooled by the person you trusted the most in your life was the most hurtful things..someone who did promise something in the past that makes you hope & left his/her promise..that last words, i'll remember till the day i die.. i learn that i can't put my trust  on somebody so easily.. i learn that no matter how much you sacrifice for others, they won't care.. i learn that people change, only the memories left.. i learn that there comes a time when you have to stop crossing oceans for people who wouldn't even jump puddles for you..

I swear.. from this moment, i won't look back anymore.. that hurt..that pain.. that memories.. i'll left here in 2013.. i've enough already.. i know, everything happened for a reason.. and i take my lesson.. Apa saja yg berlaku sekarang, kita sedang dididik secara langsung oleh Tuhan tentang hikmah dari setiap pilihan-pilihan yang kita buat dalam hidup..Its often best not to dwell on trying to find answers.. Sometimes you just need to accept the question marks, step through.. And move on.. i always fear to move on that makes me always look back & live in the past memories.. but now i've to face the reality.. and it's comin'.. don't fear to move on.. Just be strong.. Allah SWT is always be there with you on your every pathway or any unseen way.. When you attach to the impossible, it's hard to stay hopeful.. But remember, Allah can replace what you couldn't have with something even better.. 

yes.. i'll become someone better than before.. a good person that i used to be.. a good servant to Allah SWT that i used to be.. Allah SWT.. thank you.. for everything..despite the sorrow that i've been through, you're going to give me a rainbow.. i know you're getting me there.. :)

life full of ups & down.. how we take it.. how we react towards it is the thing that matters the most.. 

She stood up.. Something inside her had changed.. "It was finally time," she thought..It was finally time to leave the past in the past.. And move on.. She took her first step. It felt like walking for the first time.. It was strange to not be chained anymore.. It felt like life.. Like hope.. Like happiness.. :)

p/s: Wherever you are, whatever you do, i pray that you'll always be happy.. i hope you'll be happy with what you have done to me.. i hope you are happy with what you've done to other people too.. i hope you're happy with the relationships that you made based on lies.. keep on living like that.. playing with people's heart is like a game to you.. be happy then.. i'm sorry, i don't have enough courage to forgive you at the moment.. let time heals me.. maybe 5 years..10 years..or 20 years.. who knows how many times it will take for me to heal as it has been 4 years i let myself to be fooled and hurt by you.. till now, i can't even forgive myself too for what i've done.. for so many same mistakes i've repeated.. so, let it just between me & Allah SWT.. i'm sorry.. i won't invite the person who ruined my life to my wedding.. so of course, you're not invited.. i'm sorry.. but i won't care about you anymore.. no more.. 

~Happy News~

Hi & Assalamualaikum...

How are you guys been doing? me? just fine.. still experience a little bit cough.. hopefully will fully recover soon.. Esok 25/12/2013.. Selamat Hari Natal utk penganut agama Kristian.. dan happy holiday utk semua.. kalau yang terpaksa bekerja tu, teruskan bekerja..hehe.. 

dah lama tak story about my study progress.. i do prefer to show other people my happy & fun life rather than my hectic life as a PhD student..hahaha.. but since we're coming to the end of the year 2013, it also means that, i'm going to finished my 3rd semester of study soon.. by 12 January 2014 to be exact..macam x percaya je.. macam cepat je masa berlalu.. kalau dulu i've finished my master coursework exactly 3 semester, which is one & half year.. now, i've another 3 semester, which is halfway to go.. dah start risau ni sbb macam x banyak progress je..hahaha.. selalu je fikir macam-macam kan.. dengan banyak tanggungjawab lagi selain dari study.. running business at the same time.. preparing my wedding.. to admit, it's never been easy.. :P so, yesterday, i've got email from my SV.. 

she just gave birth to a baby boy & still in confinement period.. as she's going to work soon, she need to find a nursery for her baby.. She said Aiman (also her student) just got approval for his grant..about RM160K++ .. i also got Geran Putra UPM but for RM15K only..Alhamdulillah.. there's an extra allocation, which i can used for my project..dah ada duit for buying new equipment for measuring ammonia gas..nak cari yang portable but for higher range.. in fact, nak built up a reactor pun dah almost RM10K++.. so, the grant is very important for me..hehe.. 

actually, currently i've been working on my first paper for the conference next year.. my SV insists that i should used some sort of software so that my results would be more presentable and nampak 'wow' la.. hahaha.. but unfortunately, with only one invariable parameter to see few responses, i can't use the software.. therefore, i suggest to my SV that i'll working on the next paper, design experiment using RSM and obtained the results by doing the experiment as suggested by the software.. and she did accept my opinion.. Alhamdulillah.. so, i'm planning to do the experiment in early January 2014 as i've to do the most important part first, which is my second objective, to design and fabricate the fluidized bed reactor (FBR)..part ni rasanya the most toughest.. since i'm not an engineering student, bab calculation la yang failed sket.. but i'll learn.. so, planningnya, starting this thursday till next week, by hook or by crook, i want to finished those design.. sempat ke tak belakang kira.. yang penting usaha sehabis boleh.. walau bakal busy dengan event on this 28th Dec (got a wedding job from my senior previous back in SESERI to bake 40 cake in jar, setting a candy buffet & guestbook corner).. and target paling lewat by 12 Jan 2014 design da fully siap.. hopefully.. still searching for materials calculating & how to design FBR reactor.. ada sesiapa yang tahu dak?heee

since i can't made any amendment more for the first paper, and my SV also agreed after checking, therefore, i can submit my full paper now.. the due date will be on 15 January 2014.. but now, i'm waiting for the organizer to reply my email regarding the page limit for the conference for rach participant... i don't want to pay for an extra pages & i think i should cut some ORP part..sebenarnya da malas nak tambah..hahaha.. :P but Alhamdulillah, at last i managed to finished one paper.. another paper i'll asked Sani later..i asked him to send it to journal rather than conference as we need to publish paper.. a master student need to publish at least one paper journal, and i've got to published two at least..  and the coming optimisation using RSM software for the next experiment, i'm planning to send it to an International Journal.. or attending conference overseas..nak kejar published 2-3 journals at least, then i don't have to worry about graduating my PhD anymore.. bila dah cukup syarat yang UPM bagi, hantar thesis according to time & viva on time, i can graduate already.. but apa-apa pun, kena finished part design, sbb nanti nak wait for fabrication, i can do the RSM experiment.. and start seriously writing my thesis.. at least, before i got married, i want my research to be completed by 50%-70% .. and hopefully i can graduate exactly 3 years including the viva.. if not the maximum will be 3 and half years.. that's all.. 

i heard she's back already in the office, and today i whatsapp her asking whether she's in the office or not.. since it's the end of semester, i need her approval (signature) regarding few things.. borang GS11 progress report for UPM (actually just isi on9 and tak perlu hantar pun..me punyalah bersusah payah.. grrrrrr).. borang progress MyPhD yang kena hantar ke KPT..borang GRF (Graduate Research Fellowship).. my SV suruh isi so that i can assist her in class to teach & marking the paper for undergraduate student subject.. last time hantar last minute, so maybe rejected.. hopefully this time i'll get..may Allah SWT ease..and then borang claim for attending bengkel & seminar..rasa berdebar juga nak jumpa..sbb dah lama sgt x jumpa face to face.. just email or whatsapp je..hahahah.. Alhamdulillah, everything went well.. nasib baik xde tanya psl design reactor lagi..hehe..  bila dah settle semua borang ni rasa lega sangat.. Alhamdulillah.. Alhamdulillah.. Alhamdulillah.. so, it's a wrap for this year.. at least, i'm in progress although a bit slow compared to others yang maybe gempak2.. but actually the most important thing is that, the learning process during the journey.. how you survived when you feel that you already tired and sometimes mentally & physically breakdown..  how you need to deal everything on your own.. the truth is, doing PhD is a very lonely journey... everything depend on you.. how you manage your time, your life & your schedule..and the most important thing is that how you manage your attitude and emotion.. sometimes it seems like a chaos, but believe me, when you put your trust on Allah SWT, He will ease your way.. Remember that He will always be with you..and He will never put you in the situation that you can't handle.. :)