~Perkara yang selalu buat saya susah hati~

Hi & Assalamualaikum..

Actually this 1-2 weeks, saya selalu susah hati.. & it is because of MONEY.. being a student of course you have no money.. borang MyPhD dah anta since 26/11/2012.. today dah 24/12/12.. lambat sgt ke nak proses cik kak & cik abg oii?? *pissed off*

seriously, i brokedown & breaking apart because have no money...tired of waiting the scholarships.. nak wat itu xley..wat ini xley..nak buat pape pon xde mood.. sincerely, since last week, lepas da email artikel kt Dr., keje saya hanyalah on9 promote business & main FB.. then baca blog..even yg sebenarnya nak update proposal + slide.. target this week (which is tomorrow) nak email Dr. & set tarikh for proposal presentation before 8/1/13 since she will be away for Zurich, London, & Paris.. tapi tadi lega da setel satu prob..last week engineering management call..cakap i have to add another supervisor.. SERIOUSLY??? i hate berurusan dgn management people.. especially UPM..byk sgt cekadaknya hoi! procedure mcm2.. ntah pape..cakap kena add sorg lg SV dari faculty engineering..dorg nak guarantee la kononnya.. since my other 2 co-SV  sorang external..sorang dari faculty of environmental studies.. pastu kena cop lg borang bagai.. tau la kan i xde kenderaan.. nak pegi berurusan semua tu dgn sape??terpaksa berharap kat encik tunang jugak.. *nanges*..i asked my SV who would she suggest to me? she said.. Prof. Dr. Luqman Chuah Abdullah.. so today, officially i have 4 Supervisor for my PhD.. & luckily Prof. Chuah sgt baek...pagi tadi sampai awal..tggu dalam bergelap kat koridor..ketuk2 bilik dia xde.. sis management ckp die slalu masuk tgh hari..ok..tapi dlm hati nak tggu die..so duduk la kat luar tmpat menunggu..pastu x sampai 5 min duduk, terkocoh-kocoh sorg laki masuk.. i recognized him.. pastu he called.. i said.. "i think i just saw u now.. i'll come to your room".. hehe.. pastu masa lalu depan sis management tu, saya gelak je.. kelakar pon ade..haha.... he's a very friendly man.. tanya semua background study..project.. even my future career.. he's a motivated person.. dia cakap 3 years should be enough.. 'you don't have to do PhD lama lama coz the real research started when you finished your PhD'.. & he give me a lot of advice.. he even tell me that  when he did PhD before, he didn't even published any journals.. after 2 years of his PhD barulah he published.. now he's a Professor at Department of Chemical & Environmental Engineering.. He even praised me... " you seem to got 'Good English' ha? where are u came from?'.. he asked me twice kot tanya where i came from.. hehe.. when i said Terengganu, he even can't believe it..hahaha.. so funny.. i told him.. english is my fav subject in school.. & i do participate in public speaking & whatsoeva.. he said that's good for me.. see how impress i am & how lucky i am to have him as my another CO-SV?? *nanges terharu*...another thing is that.. maybe i look confident when speaking..eventhough masa bercakap dengan dia sbnrnya English grammar berterabur & certain term he mentioned i didn't understand tapi still angguk2 kepala jugak...hahahaha.. & of coz since i'm doing PhD, i learn how to manage myself, being confident, berani, xde takut2 & segan mcm dulu & most importantly being professional since i've to deal with people from various background..& i think i became more matured now.. :')

so back to the topic, of course parent ada bagi..tapi u know living cost duk KL & Selangor mcm mana kan?saya pula jenis bukan yg meminta-minta..& x reti nak bercerita..even xde duit sgt2 pon i rather keep it to myself.. rela susah sendiri dari susahkan mereka.. they had sacrificed a lot for me.. *nanges*.. sewa umah sahaja RM200++ x termasuk bil air + bil api yg pakai top up..seriously sapa yg nak stay kat THE ACADEMIA, x payah la i suggest to u..sbb safety..sbb money yg obviously byk hidden charge.. arggggghhh!!! tension.. & i got an email said that i x bayar lagi fee for NOV & DEC.. hello.. NOV aritu da setel kot.. baru 1st time ni lambat bayar pon lu org nak kecoh ke? *pissed off*

and tadi sebab susah hati sgt msj my sis, Along.. asked her if she had 50-100.. nak pinjam bayar umah sewa apartment yg mahai tu before Mr. Ben dapat duit gaji yg ntah bila nak masuk tu.. but she tell my mom & abah.. siyes rasa nk marah..sbb saya xnak parent susah hati.. lgpon abah baru bank in last week RM350..duit nk byr umah cukup2 je ade.. nak mkn yg x ckp.. paham-paham la bila encik tunang x dpt gaji lg saya sbg tunang yg mithali juga membantu dia..kata nak susah senang sama2 kan?? *nanges*.. Along ckp efi (my adik) da naik motor pegi shell kat umah tu bank in RM250..RM150 mama bagi.. RM 100 abah bagi..part ni yg wat rasa sedih & sebak sangat.. terus call abah.. telefon x berangkat lagi pon da berjurai-jurai air mata..

abah: nape nangesnye? abah kan ade..angah kalo xde duit cakap la.. selagi abah hidup abah mampu sara anak abah.. *nanges*

mama: jangan sedey2..mama byk harta kan?kalo x dop duit sgt kita gadai emas ma berlambak tu.. mama sedih nape angah x bgtau mama..nape mintak ngan along.. along kan x keje.. *banjir*

seriously dari tadi berjurai-jurai air mata.. xtau nak ungkapkan mcm mana..hanya yg mengalami je tau... dalam hati ni Allah SWT je yang tahu.. rasa sedih & sebak sgt.. terlalu besar pengorbanan mama abah untuk saya.. xkan terbalas sampai bila bila..saya tau parent saya tidak byk harta.. seperti org lain yg mewarisi harta turun temurun..atau bekerja makan gaji..mereka juga byk lagi tanggungan lain.. sbb itu saya sedih.. cuma satu je harapan saya..semoga Allah SWT panjangkan usia saya utk terus berbakti kepada mereka & membuat mereka bahagia.. saya tau.. mungkin ini salah satu Ujian Allah SWT kpd saya.. saya da berjaya mengharungi segala ujian sebelum ini.. dan semoga saya akan terus kuat & tabah demi mencapai cita-cita.. InsyaAllah.. doakan saya.. :)

p/s: sayang abah, mama, along, efi & ena.. plus encik tunang juga.. nanti masuk scholarship angah belanja.. hopefully early January.. ;)