~ Faham~

 Hi & Assalamualaikum..

Awak memang x kan faham saya sampai bila-bila kan?

saya diam, awak diam.

memang patut saya yang terasa hati.

Awak x pernah cuba untuk menjernihkan keadaan.

selalu mengelak bila berbincang.

saya fed up.

Bukan awak tau pun saya xnak ikut semalam sebab sibuk siapkan order customer takut x sempat siap kan?

Bukan awak tau pun saya berkorban masa & tenaga siang & malam utk cari duit sbb nak kawen kan?

Bukan awak tau semalam saya x sihat, saya puasa, buka makan maggi je kan?

Tau kenapa awak x tahu?

Sebab awak x pernah nak ambil peduli pasal saya.

Sebab awak x caring pasal saya.

Sebab awak tak pernah mengerti diri saya yg selalu dahagakan perhatian & kasih sayang.

Bila awak nk something dari saya, baru awak cari saya.

Da gado, tapi buat macam xde pape berlaku.

Awak x paham betapa sedihnya hati saya.

Seharian saya menangis.

Sedih dengan perangai awak.

Tak pernah berubah.

Awak x penah merasa betapa penat & susah cari duit.

Awak bukan tau saya sedih sbb saya dapat berita pak sdare saya ada 4 ketumbuhan dalam otak & kalau operate pun sama ada koma, hilang ingatan or gila seumur hidup.

saya ada awak. tapi awak bukan tempat saya mengadu.

Awak xde masa saya perlukan seseorang untuk bercerita & meluahkan perasaan.

Kenapa???

Sebab awak tak pernah mengerti saya.

Tapi tuhan tu maha adil..

Dia tahu saya sedih..

Dia hantar seseorang untuk saya..

Tanpa disangka ada seorang hamba Allah SWT call saya..

& hiburkan hati saya..

Jadi pendengar & tempat saya bercerita & meluahkan rasa..

Saya terharu sbb ada lagi orang masih ingat pada saya..

dan bertanya khabar serta peduli hal diri saya..

sedangkan awak entah di mana..

p/s: Terima kasih Allah SWT kerana meminjamkan aku seseorang sebagai penawar duka, tempat kurangkan perasaan beban di hati.. Semoga Engkau murahkan resekinya, lindungi dirinya, & bahagiakan dirinya walau di mana dia berada.. Terima kasih sahabat kerana masih mengingati diri ini.. walau kita jarang berhubung, hanya bertanya khabar, itu sudah cukup uk membuat diri ini rasa dihargai. At least there's someone out there who care about my existence.. thank you Encik Peneman ke Wedding Adik Faz.. :)

~Redha~

Hi & Assalamualaikum..

Jika hadirnya seseorang itu hanya untuk "menghadiahkan" airmata kepadamu,
sebenarnya, waktu itulah Allah sedang mendidikmu,
supaya bersifat SABAR dan REDHA..

Bersabarlah duhai hati.. :')

" Takut kehilangan sesuatu yang tidak pasti,
Seperti kamu tidak redha dengan ketentuan Ilahi.. "

~ A Test or A Sign ~

Hi & Assalamualaikum..

People think that i'm happy .

clap to myself that i'm really a good actress..

no one will understand me..

no one knows how i feel..

i don't know whether this is somekind of 'test' in our relationship..

or if this is a 'sign' that i should give up.. 

all this while, i thought everything is okay..

or at least, everything will be okay..everything will be alright..

but the more i try to hold on, the more i can't accept this..

the more i can't accept anything..

it's like his behavior just irritate me more..

he never understand me..

he always test my patience..

it's like, there's nothing in common between us anymore..

seorang ke hulu, seorang ke hilir..

masing-masing asyik bertelagah & berselisih pendapat.. 

it's like almost everyday we fought..

this is not normal...

tapi...

apa yang paling menyedihkan hati ni, ialah dgn kejadian tadi..

it was ok at first.. we plan to hang out at some place doing works after eating..

 but after lepas makan tu, he wake up to go to the sink.. 

i followed him 1 minute later..

he noticed that i left the table..

he looked & said air dia tak habis minum lagi..1/4 glass belum habis..

i thought he already finished.. that's why i left the table & went to the sink too to wash my hand..

unfortunately, nothing we can do..

that bangla already clean the table..

so, he move to the sink with such an annoying face..

i noticed he started to act cold..

geleng-geleng kepala dgn raut muka x puas hati..

I know it's my fault, 

but is it necessary for him to act like that just because of "the water he hasn't finished"?

 It just teh o ais je pun..and only 1/4 glass left..

it's not that i lost a jewelry, precious thing, or hp.. or i kill somebody..

why his act is so annoying??

makin lama bersabar, makin parah jadinya..

all plan cancelled, & we just go back to hostel..

you see, how can that small matter become big issue??

how serious the problem??

i feel like macam x boleh diterima akal langsung semua benda ni..

hanya kerana teh o ais, i've been hurt..

is that teh o ais is much more important than me??

i'm blank...hurt.. frustrated..sad..

sometimes it feels like, the more i try to make this relationship works, the more it turn out so bad..

i don't know what to do anymore..

Allah SWT, please help me..

p/s: if being in relationship makes me more sad & unhappy, i'd rather be alone.. :'(

~It is better this way..~

 Hi & Assalamualaikum..

Forgetting someone who once close to you, it's never been easy.. 

you'll remember that person for the rest of your life.. 

in 5 years, 10 years in the future, as you are growing old, 

you'll see them one day & you'll never knew how you will feel at that time.. 

it's scary you know.. trust me.. 

Dear 'You',

You have voice out your thought.. you have decided.. 

It's hurt, but i know life must goes on.. 

i hope that i'm strong enough to face you one day..

i hope there'll never be the chance to be like we used to be..

coz i don't want to be hurt again..

i think i have enough already..

it's been years, but i'll never learn the lesson..

this time, i got it..

i'll move on..

& I'll never be the same, if we  ever meet again...

The pain & scars you give to me, it's really painful..

i guess i'll remember it for the rest of my life..

cause you are just a beautiful liar..

playing with my mind and my heart..

right from the start, you were a thief, you stole my heart..

& i'm your willing victim..

avoiding you, forgetting you...

and i think it is better to be this way...

~Keek~

Hi & Assalamualaikum

tengah cuba meng 'happy' kan diri dengan mencari hobi baru.. pagi tadi duk godek-godek FB terjumpa la 1 Keek hamba Allah SWT ni.. tetiba kannn.. titew teringin / terilham nak wat keek jugakkk.. gitewwww..kehkeh..makanya, terus je pegi sign up keek..tehehehee..pastu kan, punya la semangat record video dari pagi (guna laptop, sbb xde smartphone), nak upload dekat keek x dapat- dapat sampai la ni.. tensen makk..hahaha

makanya, titew upload kat blog dulu boleh? blog jarang orang tgk.. tak la malu sgt khennnn..kehkeh :P

jom layan budak yg memang xde keje ni..padahal jurnal lama x baca, result experiment last week tak update lg..hewhewhew...aaahhhhh..gasakkkkk.. janji diriku ini happy...    :')

p/s: i sing this song as it is my favourite..& it has too much meaning in my life..  :')

sedap ke x, ko layan kan aje..kahkahkah :P
ooppss.. baru perasan video ke 2 over limit.. kat keek limit dia 0:36 saat je..kahkahkah..padan la xleh upload..aptb

~Stay~

Hi & Assalamualaikum..

me & song, can never be separated.. songs do convey how i feel.. & hey, i love this song.. will become my favourite soon.. :)

~Doaku hari-hari.. Show me the way Ya Allah SWT~

Tuhanku,
Seandainya telah kau catat dia milikku,tercipta buatku dekatkanlah dia padaku.. Satukanlah hatinya dengan hatiku,titiplanlah kemesraan antara kami,agar kebahagiaan ini abadi..
Tuhanku Yang Maha Pengasih,seiringkanlah kami dalam melayari hidup ke tepian yang sejahtera..
Tuhanku,
Seandainya telah di takdirkan,dia bukan miliku,
Bawalah dia jauh dari pandanganku,luput dari ingatanku,
Dan peliharalah daku dari kekecewaan..
Ya Tuhanku Yang Maha Mengerti,berilah diriku kekuatan melontar bayangnya ke dada langit..
Hilang bersama senja merah dan gelap pekat malam agar aku rasa bahagia walaupun tanpa dirinya..
Tuhanku Yang Maha Pemurah,gantikanlah yang telah hilang,tumbuhkanlah kembali yang telah patah,meskipun tidak sama dengan dirinya..
Seandainya dia datang menemuiku,cinta itu adalah sejati dan murni.
Seandainya dia pergi dan tidak kembali,anggaplah cinta itu tidak wujud sejak dari awal lagi..