~ A Test or A Sign ~

Hi & Assalamualaikum..

People think that i'm happy .

clap to myself that i'm really a good actress..

no one will understand me..

no one knows how i feel..

i don't know whether this is somekind of 'test' in our relationship..

or if this is a 'sign' that i should give up.. 

all this while, i thought everything is okay..

or at least, everything will be okay..everything will be alright..

but the more i try to hold on, the more i can't accept this..

the more i can't accept anything..

it's like his behavior just irritate me more..

he never understand me..

he always test my patience..

it's like, there's nothing in common between us anymore..

seorang ke hulu, seorang ke hilir..

masing-masing asyik bertelagah & berselisih pendapat.. 

it's like almost everyday we fought..

this is not normal...

tapi...

apa yang paling menyedihkan hati ni, ialah dgn kejadian tadi..

it was ok at first.. we plan to hang out at some place doing works after eating..

 but after lepas makan tu, he wake up to go to the sink.. 

i followed him 1 minute later..

he noticed that i left the table..

he looked & said air dia tak habis minum lagi..1/4 glass belum habis..

i thought he already finished.. that's why i left the table & went to the sink too to wash my hand..

unfortunately, nothing we can do..

that bangla already clean the table..

so, he move to the sink with such an annoying face..

i noticed he started to act cold..

geleng-geleng kepala dgn raut muka x puas hati..

I know it's my fault, 

but is it necessary for him to act like that just because of "the water he hasn't finished"?

 It just teh o ais je pun..and only 1/4 glass left..

it's not that i lost a jewelry, precious thing, or hp.. or i kill somebody..

why his act is so annoying??

makin lama bersabar, makin parah jadinya..

all plan cancelled, & we just go back to hostel..

you see, how can that small matter become big issue??

how serious the problem??

i feel like macam x boleh diterima akal langsung semua benda ni..

hanya kerana teh o ais, i've been hurt..

is that teh o ais is much more important than me??

i'm blank...hurt.. frustrated..sad..

sometimes it feels like, the more i try to make this relationship works, the more it turn out so bad..

i don't know what to do anymore..

Allah SWT, please help me..

p/s: if being in relationship makes me more sad & unhappy, i'd rather be alone.. :'(