~2014 is comin'.. Bye Bye 2013~

Hi & Assalamualaikum..

it's already 31.12.13 today.. it's the end of the year.. esok dah new year 2014.. MasyaAllah, cepatnya masa berlalu.. tik tok tik tok.. a year had passed by.. going down the memory lane of 2013, it makes me realized how much time, money, thoughts that i've wasted for something useless.. Allahuakbar

to be true, 2013 wasn't a good year for me.. a year ago, after i got engaged, in December that everything started.. everything that had changed me to who i am now.. everything that had changed my life as a whole.. everything that had changed my perspective towards life.. someone take me for granted.. someone cheated & lie to me about himself.. didn't tell me the truth.. someone who are selfish & don't care about others feeling..make a fool with people's feeling.. i thought i know him.. but i realized at the end, i didn't know him at all.. he just somebody that i used to know 5 years ago.. and it's true that people changed.. yes, he's changed & i think i didn't know this person at all.. because the person that i knew before was better than now.. yes, sometimes life is unexpected.. it fulls of hurt and frustration.. somebody that really close to you can be somebody that wouldn't care about you anymore in the future.. someone that close to you now won't always be there in the future.. and maybe you are just useless to them after they take you for granted.. 

I learned that there was no such a 'bestfriend' relationship between a girl and a boy.. besides, a bestfriend won't take his/her bestfriend for granted.. a bestfriend will never ruined his/her bestfriend happiness.. a bestfriend will never ruined his/her bestfriend life.. a bestfriend won't play with his/her bestfriend feelings.. a bestfriend won't twist with his/her bestfriend emotions.. a bestfriend is someone who makes his/her bestfriend happy, not making his/her sad.. a bestfriend won't hurt his/her bestfriend's feelings.. and most of all, a bestfriend won't create bullshit & lies toward his/her bestfriend.. if they are listed above, they were never your bestfriend.. they just someone who took you for granted, a selfish person who want to be happy on their own, neglecting what they do with other people.. he/she is never a good person.. 

i learn a lot from this pain.. the pain that i don't know when will it heal..a few months past by but it felt like just happened yesterday.. being betrayed, lied & fooled by the person you trusted the most in your life was the most hurtful things..someone who did promise something in the past that makes you hope & left his/her promise..that last words, i'll remember till the day i die.. i learn that i can't put my trust  on somebody so easily.. i learn that no matter how much you sacrifice for others, they won't care.. i learn that people change, only the memories left.. i learn that there comes a time when you have to stop crossing oceans for people who wouldn't even jump puddles for you..

I swear.. from this moment, i won't look back anymore.. that hurt..that pain.. that memories.. i'll left here in 2013.. i've enough already.. i know, everything happened for a reason.. and i take my lesson.. Apa saja yg berlaku sekarang, kita sedang dididik secara langsung oleh Tuhan tentang hikmah dari setiap pilihan-pilihan yang kita buat dalam hidup..Its often best not to dwell on trying to find answers.. Sometimes you just need to accept the question marks, step through.. And move on.. i always fear to move on that makes me always look back & live in the past memories.. but now i've to face the reality.. and it's comin'.. don't fear to move on.. Just be strong.. Allah SWT is always be there with you on your every pathway or any unseen way.. When you attach to the impossible, it's hard to stay hopeful.. But remember, Allah can replace what you couldn't have with something even better.. 

yes.. i'll become someone better than before.. a good person that i used to be.. a good servant to Allah SWT that i used to be.. Allah SWT.. thank you.. for everything..despite the sorrow that i've been through, you're going to give me a rainbow.. i know you're getting me there.. :)

life full of ups & down.. how we take it.. how we react towards it is the thing that matters the most.. 

She stood up.. Something inside her had changed.. "It was finally time," she thought..It was finally time to leave the past in the past.. And move on.. She took her first step. It felt like walking for the first time.. It was strange to not be chained anymore.. It felt like life.. Like hope.. Like happiness.. :)

p/s: Wherever you are, whatever you do, i pray that you'll always be happy.. i hope you'll be happy with what you have done to me.. i hope you are happy with what you've done to other people too.. i hope you're happy with the relationships that you made based on lies.. keep on living like that.. playing with people's heart is like a game to you.. be happy then.. i'm sorry, i don't have enough courage to forgive you at the moment.. let time heals me.. maybe 5 years..10 years..or 20 years.. who knows how many times it will take for me to heal as it has been 4 years i let myself to be fooled and hurt by you.. till now, i can't even forgive myself too for what i've done.. for so many same mistakes i've repeated.. so, let it just between me & Allah SWT.. i'm sorry.. i won't invite the person who ruined my life to my wedding.. so of course, you're not invited.. i'm sorry.. but i won't care about you anymore.. no more.. 

~Happy News~

Hi & Assalamualaikum...

How are you guys been doing? me? just fine.. still experience a little bit cough.. hopefully will fully recover soon.. Esok 25/12/2013.. Selamat Hari Natal utk penganut agama Kristian.. dan happy holiday utk semua.. kalau yang terpaksa bekerja tu, teruskan bekerja..hehe.. 

dah lama tak story about my study progress.. i do prefer to show other people my happy & fun life rather than my hectic life as a PhD student..hahaha.. but since we're coming to the end of the year 2013, it also means that, i'm going to finished my 3rd semester of study soon.. by 12 January 2014 to be exact..macam x percaya je.. macam cepat je masa berlalu.. kalau dulu i've finished my master coursework exactly 3 semester, which is one & half year.. now, i've another 3 semester, which is halfway to go.. dah start risau ni sbb macam x banyak progress je..hahaha.. selalu je fikir macam-macam kan.. dengan banyak tanggungjawab lagi selain dari study.. running business at the same time.. preparing my wedding.. to admit, it's never been easy.. :P so, yesterday, i've got email from my SV.. 

she just gave birth to a baby boy & still in confinement period.. as she's going to work soon, she need to find a nursery for her baby.. She said Aiman (also her student) just got approval for his grant..about RM160K++ .. i also got Geran Putra UPM but for RM15K only..Alhamdulillah.. there's an extra allocation, which i can used for my project..dah ada duit for buying new equipment for measuring ammonia gas..nak cari yang portable but for higher range.. in fact, nak built up a reactor pun dah almost RM10K++.. so, the grant is very important for me..hehe.. 

actually, currently i've been working on my first paper for the conference next year.. my SV insists that i should used some sort of software so that my results would be more presentable and nampak 'wow' la.. hahaha.. but unfortunately, with only one invariable parameter to see few responses, i can't use the software.. therefore, i suggest to my SV that i'll working on the next paper, design experiment using RSM and obtained the results by doing the experiment as suggested by the software.. and she did accept my opinion.. Alhamdulillah.. so, i'm planning to do the experiment in early January 2014 as i've to do the most important part first, which is my second objective, to design and fabricate the fluidized bed reactor (FBR)..part ni rasanya the most toughest.. since i'm not an engineering student, bab calculation la yang failed sket.. but i'll learn.. so, planningnya, starting this thursday till next week, by hook or by crook, i want to finished those design.. sempat ke tak belakang kira.. yang penting usaha sehabis boleh.. walau bakal busy dengan event on this 28th Dec (got a wedding job from my senior previous back in SESERI to bake 40 cake in jar, setting a candy buffet & guestbook corner).. and target paling lewat by 12 Jan 2014 design da fully siap.. hopefully.. still searching for materials calculating & how to design FBR reactor.. ada sesiapa yang tahu dak?heee

since i can't made any amendment more for the first paper, and my SV also agreed after checking, therefore, i can submit my full paper now.. the due date will be on 15 January 2014.. but now, i'm waiting for the organizer to reply my email regarding the page limit for the conference for rach participant... i don't want to pay for an extra pages & i think i should cut some ORP part..sebenarnya da malas nak tambah..hahaha.. :P but Alhamdulillah, at last i managed to finished one paper.. another paper i'll asked Sani later..i asked him to send it to journal rather than conference as we need to publish paper.. a master student need to publish at least one paper journal, and i've got to published two at least..  and the coming optimisation using RSM software for the next experiment, i'm planning to send it to an International Journal.. or attending conference overseas..nak kejar published 2-3 journals at least, then i don't have to worry about graduating my PhD anymore.. bila dah cukup syarat yang UPM bagi, hantar thesis according to time & viva on time, i can graduate already.. but apa-apa pun, kena finished part design, sbb nanti nak wait for fabrication, i can do the RSM experiment.. and start seriously writing my thesis.. at least, before i got married, i want my research to be completed by 50%-70% .. and hopefully i can graduate exactly 3 years including the viva.. if not the maximum will be 3 and half years.. that's all.. 

i heard she's back already in the office, and today i whatsapp her asking whether she's in the office or not.. since it's the end of semester, i need her approval (signature) regarding few things.. borang GS11 progress report for UPM (actually just isi on9 and tak perlu hantar pun..me punyalah bersusah payah.. grrrrrr).. borang progress MyPhD yang kena hantar ke KPT..borang GRF (Graduate Research Fellowship).. my SV suruh isi so that i can assist her in class to teach & marking the paper for undergraduate student subject.. last time hantar last minute, so maybe rejected.. hopefully this time i'll get..may Allah SWT ease..and then borang claim for attending bengkel & seminar..rasa berdebar juga nak jumpa..sbb dah lama sgt x jumpa face to face.. just email or whatsapp je..hahahah.. Alhamdulillah, everything went well.. nasib baik xde tanya psl design reactor lagi..hehe..  bila dah settle semua borang ni rasa lega sangat.. Alhamdulillah.. Alhamdulillah.. Alhamdulillah.. so, it's a wrap for this year.. at least, i'm in progress although a bit slow compared to others yang maybe gempak2.. but actually the most important thing is that, the learning process during the journey.. how you survived when you feel that you already tired and sometimes mentally & physically breakdown..  how you need to deal everything on your own.. the truth is, doing PhD is a very lonely journey... everything depend on you.. how you manage your time, your life & your schedule..and the most important thing is that how you manage your attitude and emotion.. sometimes it seems like a chaos, but believe me, when you put your trust on Allah SWT, He will ease your way.. Remember that He will always be with you..and He will never put you in the situation that you can't handle.. :)

28.11.2013

Hi & Assalamualaikum..

fuhhhhh.. berhabuknya blog..hehe..maaf you alls.. tuan empunya blog sangatlah bz starting end of November to December 2013..tik tok tik tok..kejap je masa berlalu kan.. how fast time flies.. sedar x sedar dah nak habis 2013 pun.. :)

ok.. as stated above, 28.11.2013 was my 24th birthday.. Alhamdulillah.. masih dipanjangkan umur.. dikurniakan rezeki yang melimpah ruah.. walau bukan mewah tapi cukup dengan apa yang ada.. dikurniakan kesihatan yg baik..walau dah 3 minggu demam virus & 2 minggu batuk belum pulih, dah makan ubat dari 4 klinik, sekurang-kurangnya sakit ini tidak kronik.. ada org lain yg lebih susah & sakit.. dan of course, sakit itu kan penghapus dosa.. so it's not a burden at all.. (^_^) )... dan dikurniakan lebih masa untuk beribadat & bertaubat.. Thank you Allah SWT..for giving me more time to breath, to repent, and to come back to you.. Nothing is much more blessed than this..  :')

nak cerita about my birthday celebration sebenarnya.. Birthday celebration tahun ni rasanya lebih bermakna.. sebab ada 5 celebration...hahahahaha.. banyak benauu kan.. over..kalah retisss..kehkeh.. for the 1st celebration, on 28th November 2013 itself.. actually, i didn't expect anything from my fiancee or my friends.. just expect a dinner with loved ones & friends.. that's all.. and i didn't know my fiancee had arranged something for me... on that day, i was busy finishing my first paper to submit to my sv.. i just got a message from him..asking for Mira (my rumate) phone number.. kinda suspicious, sbb mcm bley agak jee...hahaha.. i know my fiancee wasn't a romantic type person.. pernah lupa my birthday juga zaman-zaman awal bercinta dulu.. he rarely showed how much he care & love me.. post anything about me or about us kat fb pon jarang sgt-sgt.. maybe he is kinda ego-type man..so boleh imagine tak mcm mana dia? hehe.. and because of this also, at one moment, i turned to someone else who showed more attention, care & love (which i thought it was real, but it wasn't.. i was being fooled for years until one day Allah SWT wake me up after i asked Him to show me the truth.. and at last i know who's the real Diamond, who's the real glass actually.. Alhamdulillah.. Alhamdulillah.. knowing that Allah SWT save me & help me to go through all the circumstances in my life, and He even give me more joy after that, it's a real bless).. so, that's why i never put high expectation towards my fiancee.. 

So, at night, we went to The Mines after Isyak.. duk berlegar-legar kat dalam The Mines, seeing my fiancee & friends planning something..tapi buat-buat tak tahu jela..hahaha.. sampai la tetiba diberitahu..planning x jadi makan kat The Mines, pergi balik area Serdang.. sebelum tu da cakap dengan rumate, "nak makan katne ni? jangan la kedai mamak"..but it seems like my destiny for 24th birthday celebration was at Kedai Mamak baru kat Serdang..hahaha.. masa sampai-sampai kat restoran mamak tu, a bit surprise coz ramai sangat kawan-kawan datang.. masa tu taufiq, che pak, kak long, qema, semua da ada.. nampak something in box atas meja.. macam 2 biji kek boxnya.. pastu start order-order makanan, then, terus dorang bawak box tu depan mata & suruh me bukak...pastu my rumate hulur bunga kat my fiancee.. asking him to give it to me... tadaaaaaa

my dream cake.. It's a birthday cake from Wahdi Farhad, the owner of Le Chouette Macaron yang famous kat FB & Instagram.. macam tak percaya je.. hehe.. Me & my rumate memang adore gila kat Wahdi Farhad because he create many awesome macarons & cakes.. selalu usha-usha kat insta.. then, saje memain kat my fiancee, tag dia kat gambar kek lawa-lawa, cakap 'birthday saya nanti saya nak cake macam ni..hehe'.. i never thought that he would buy one coz for me it was quite expensive.. i know my fiancee didn't have a lot of money, since we are getting married soon, most of our expenses was for the wedding.. besides, to get through Wahdi Farhad, was never been easy.. i saw many customers complained that he never replied their messsage/whatsapp.. coz he had too much orders.. and what makes me shock the most is that, my fiancee just ordered this cake a day before, which is on 27.11.13 evening, sedangkan other peoples ada yang booked months and few weeks before.. mungkin dah takdir & Allah SWT had fated that cake would be mine, so He make my wish came true.. nampak tak kat situ? bila Allah SWT kata Jadilah, maka Jadilah..kan?? and he was a kinda shy person who never ordered anything from on9.. dia x pernah shopping on9 kot..hahahaha.. so i was quite stumble & wonder how would he ordered the cake & so on.. i read those whatsapp conversation between him & Mr. Wahdi, and i laughed..hahaha.. kaku sgt.. boleh plak cakap 'bang, saya x reti nak romantik2, abang tulis jela apa yang sesuai kat atas kek tu'..hahahaha.. naif sangat kan.. :P

My cake on Wahdi Farhad's Instagram.. weeeee.. :D

inside the cake.. butterscotch..red velvet & chocolate...  seriously sedap sangat-sangat.. it's really worth the price.. especially the vanilla macaroons.. dap dap dap..pasni pasti order lagi.. :)

Bunga ini my rumate telah diarahkan beli..patut mira & kak long hilang masa ronda-ronda kat The mines..tetiba muncul qema..hahaha 

the birthday girl with the cake & a beautiful rose..  

the happy faces candid mode of me..senyum sampai telinga.. :D

The birthday girl with the person that she guaranteed, she will never find someone like him in this world.. who always love her, for who she is.. who never wanted to leave her..who never wanted to seek other girls who is much prettier or knowing other girls as he found that she is the most amazing person in this world.. who sincerely love her no matter how many years had passed by.. who always willing to be there in her life when she's broken to pieces.. who always be with her during ups & downs.. who always fight for her, even he knew the girl real feeling.. who is patiently wait for her to come back in his life even he was hurted.. who always see her as the best person that he ever met in his life.. who never wanted to change her.. who accepts her when she's skinny or fat.. who still want her even she has the ugliest face on earth due to changing hormone & the abundance of pimples..who always advise her to forget & forgives those who had wronged her..who always encouraged her for not giving up on her dreams.. who always wanted her to be part of his life forever.. who wanted to grow old with her, have abundance of cute babies & built future dreams with her.. Allah SWT.. help us to seek your Jannah..Please ease our way..i am thankful for having this person in my life..  :') btw, ignore his annoying face..haha

and here's the random pic event of the day.. it was much more meaningful celebrating your good old days with bunch of awesome friends.. who always care, advise & make your day awesome.. Mr. Ben know how much i care about my friends.. even i asked his permission to invite my friends for dinner that day.. but he already planned everything with them..supposedly the plan is, bring me to Pizza Hut The Mines, where everyone is ready, giving the cakes to the pizza workers & surprised me.. however that plan need to be changed as Pizza Hut pukul 9pm dah closed..haha.. anyway, thank you for those efforts..even the event didn't come out as planned, i feel so much happy & blessed to have all of you in my life.. this is the first time Mr. Ben trying to do something extraordinary, i did appreciate it.. He tried to make me happy.. He tried to surprise me.. he tried to be the guy that i love.. that night, after dinner he even apologized me for he's being imperfect.. he blamed himself for the plan that didn't went well & i have to celebrate my birthday at Kedai Mamak.. hahaha.. having him & good friends beside me, it's already enough.. i feel blessed.. :')

excited me & kak long..hehe

with my beautiful girls.. :) 

Nur Izwa.. Amirah Syahmi.. Qemma Caspio.. me.. Fatin Syakirah.. Esya Abbas.. 

with my handsome boys.. Amin Mokhtar (Taufiq), Naim Abdullah (he's my fiancee's bestfren.. dua2 gambar pejam mata..hahaha..), Fakhri Zainuddin (Che Pak) and ehem..mr fiancee.. heeee.. Jeri je takdak..huhu 

us..camwhoring..hehehe.. thank you Allah SWT for giving me the chance to know these awesome people in my life.. you take one, you give me more.. i'm blessed indeed.. :')

the next day, i went back to Terengganu.. so 2nd Birthday Celebration will be with mama & adik.. :D

selfie dulu..hahahaha 

 

me with mama... i love you.. :')

 

my adik.. Ena..  peminat KPOP tegar..hahahah :D

our lunch  at Chicken Rice Shop (favourite Abah & Mama) & cupcakes of the day.. ajak mama beli kat Baker's Tales Cuppy.. nyummmy!

Abah absent coz pergi kursus..so the next day when he came back, we celebrate my birthday again for the 3rd time.. this time with mama, abah, adik, mr fiancee & his mom..my future mother in law.. :D

having dinner at Sri Wangsa Seafood.. the best sweet sour is here.. menu for dinner.. :) 

orang kesayangan hamba.. adik..mama..abah.. abah bz dgn phone 24 jam..hahaha 

mr.fiancee..his ummi.. and me.. :) semua x sabo nk makang..haha

Esoknya da balik UPM.. hari tu da niat.. during my birthday nak bagi kawan-kawan cake in jar.. so balik rumah buat.. bawak pergi UPM.. heee..therefore, we had 4th Birthday Celebration at Domino's Pizza Seri Kembangan..hehe..this time lagi ramai join..kak izu..aiman & his friend, syafiq.. :)

homemade cake in jar (choc moist & red velvet) made by me for my awesome friends..baked with love..hihi

the boys...  

the girls...kami la yang menghuru- harakan domino's pizza tu..hehe

and last celebration.. when my parent come to KL on weekend.. abah ada kursus di Negeri Sembilan.. so, mama & adik yang baru habis spm mahu datang KL enjoy katanya..hehe..pick up mama & adik at KLIA.. & then, the story of my sickness started.. tetiba pening, seram sejuk.. i can't even walk.. baru happy happy nak bawak mama & adik jalan-jalan kat Nilai.. abes punah.. me terbaring je dalam kereta.. suruh Mr. Fiancee bawak mama & adik jalan2.. sampai masa nak pilih langsir & cadar bilik pengantin pun terpaksa dipapah..wuwuuwuuu..malamnya terus pergi klinik.. makan ubat Dr.. but still not feeling well till today.. :(

oh ye.. sambung cerita.. celebrate malam pertama dengan makan kat Foodcourt Kajang tu.. and then the last nite, at Johny's, Jusco Cheras Selatan.. lepas makan, pergi karaoke with family kat sederet dengan My Home Hotel.. Nyanyi sampai sakit tekak..haha :P

antara menu for dinner..  

Cinta Hati saya dunia akhirat.. Abah & Mama.. sayang mereka sangat-sangat.. :') 

Along.. me.. Mr. Fiancee yang semakin membulat juga..hahaha 

abah nyanyi dengan semangatnya..haha 

happy family.. :) 

Asyik makan sedap je.. mana x gemuks kan..hahaha.. therefore, i'm officially increased 3-4 kg..hahaha.. xpela.. Gemuk tanda bahagia kan?hehe.. Thank you Allah SWT for everything..for having all of these people in my life..surrounded by a good family and friends.. i feel blessed day by day.. now i know.. Allah SWT tidak pernah merampas apa yang kita sayang.. Sebaliknya Dia menggantikan dengan yang lebih baik daripada itu.. :)

p/s: maaf lah cerita panjang sangat.. lepas gian hampir sebulan tak menulis..hehe.. see ya next time.. ;)