Tuesday, December 31, 2013

~2014 is comin'.. Bye Bye 2013~

Hi & Assalamualaikum..

it's already 31.12.13 today.. it's the end of the year.. esok dah new year 2014.. MasyaAllah, cepatnya masa berlalu.. tik tok tik tok.. a year had passed by.. going down the memory lane of 2013, it makes me realized how much time, money, thoughts that i've wasted for something useless.. Allahuakbar

to be true, 2013 wasn't a good year for me.. a year ago, after i got engaged, in December that everything started.. everything that had changed me to who i am now.. everything that had changed my life as a whole.. everything that had changed my perspective towards life.. someone take me for granted.. someone cheated & lie to me about himself.. didn't tell me the truth.. someone who are selfish & don't care about others feeling..make a fool with people's feeling.. i thought i know him.. but i realized at the end, i didn't know him at all.. he just somebody that i used to know 5 years ago.. and it's true that people changed.. yes, he's changed & i think i didn't know this person at all.. because the person that i knew before was better than now.. yes, sometimes life is unexpected.. it fulls of hurt and frustration.. somebody that really close to you can be somebody that wouldn't care about you anymore in the future.. someone that close to you now won't always be there in the future.. and maybe you are just useless to them after they take you for granted.. 

I learned that there was no such a 'bestfriend' relationship between a girl and a boy.. besides, a bestfriend won't take his/her bestfriend for granted.. a bestfriend will never ruined his/her bestfriend happiness.. a bestfriend will never ruined his/her bestfriend life.. a bestfriend won't play with his/her bestfriend feelings.. a bestfriend won't twist with his/her bestfriend emotions.. a bestfriend is someone who makes his/her bestfriend happy, not making his/her sad.. a bestfriend won't hurt his/her bestfriend's feelings.. and most of all, a bestfriend won't create bullshit & lies toward his/her bestfriend.. if they are listed above, they were never your bestfriend.. they just someone who took you for granted, a selfish person who want to be happy on their own, neglecting what they do with other people.. he/she is never a good person.. 

i learn a lot from this pain.. the pain that i don't know when will it heal..a few months past by but it felt like just happened yesterday.. being betrayed, lied & fooled by the person you trusted the most in your life was the most hurtful things..someone who did promise something in the past that makes you hope & left his/her promise..that last words, i'll remember till the day i die.. i learn that i can't put my trust  on somebody so easily.. i learn that no matter how much you sacrifice for others, they won't care.. i learn that people change, only the memories left.. i learn that there comes a time when you have to stop crossing oceans for people who wouldn't even jump puddles for you..

I swear.. from this moment, i won't look back anymore.. that hurt..that pain.. that memories.. i'll left here in 2013.. i've enough already.. i know, everything happened for a reason.. and i take my lesson.. Apa saja yg berlaku sekarang, kita sedang dididik secara langsung oleh Tuhan tentang hikmah dari setiap pilihan-pilihan yang kita buat dalam hidup..Its often best not to dwell on trying to find answers.. Sometimes you just need to accept the question marks, step through.. And move on.. i always fear to move on that makes me always look back & live in the past memories.. but now i've to face the reality.. and it's comin'.. don't fear to move on.. Just be strong.. Allah SWT is always be there with you on your every pathway or any unseen way.. When you attach to the impossible, it's hard to stay hopeful.. But remember, Allah can replace what you couldn't have with something even better.. 

yes.. i'll become someone better than before.. a good person that i used to be.. a good servant to Allah SWT that i used to be.. Allah SWT.. thank you.. for everything..despite the sorrow that i've been through, you're going to give me a rainbow.. i know you're getting me there.. :)

life full of ups & down.. how we take it.. how we react towards it is the thing that matters the most.. 

She stood up.. Something inside her had changed.. "It was finally time," she thought..It was finally time to leave the past in the past.. And move on.. She took her first step. It felt like walking for the first time.. It was strange to not be chained anymore.. It felt like life.. Like hope.. Like happiness.. :)

p/s: Wherever you are, whatever you do, i pray that you'll always be happy.. i hope you'll be happy with what you have done to me.. i hope you are happy with what you've done to other people too.. i hope you're happy with the relationships that you made based on lies.. keep on living like that.. playing with people's heart is like a game to you.. be happy then.. i'm sorry, i don't have enough courage to forgive you at the moment.. let time heals me.. maybe 5 years..10 years..or 20 years.. who knows how many times it will take for me to heal as it has been 4 years i let myself to be fooled and hurt by you.. till now, i can't even forgive myself too for what i've done.. for so many same mistakes i've repeated.. so, let it just between me & Allah SWT.. i'm sorry.. i won't invite the person who ruined my life to my wedding.. so of course, you're not invited.. i'm sorry.. but i won't care about you anymore.. no more.. 

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